alright dude, wtf. every night when i'm working on whatever the hell i'm working on, out of nowhere i hear spanking noises. these are some pretty damn loud spanking noises too, which obviously means this is some hardcore spankage.
so i sit in my room, with my door wide open as it always is, expecting your gf to start giggling as if you guys were just playfully wrestling in the living room or something. but instead of hearing laughter...
Noises
i look outside my door. i notice the tv is not on, the living room is empty, your bedroom closed and your lights are off.
jesus man, you're killing her in there!! and no fucking shame either...not even an attempt to muffle her.
and then it gets louder...
Noises
and then just when i thought i've had enough, the loud spanks all of a sudden sound like thunderous "plops..."
Louder noises
and then...
You: aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
YUCK, MAN!!! you're already putting me through enough...and then to top it off, i have to hear the most disgusting thing that a straight man could ever hear in his life -- another dude's sex grunts at climax....
aight, that's the 4th time in the past few days, dude. i mean, i'm all happy for you that you're getting a good amount of sex and all....but come on mang, i'm trying to fucking study!!!!
i've been living with you for the past year and i know that you two have been fucking around this whole time -- you asked me if i had an extra condom like the first week we moved in -- but it wasn't until recently that i could hear your little sexcapades from you bedroom....WITH YOUR DOOR CLOSED AND MY MUSIC ON.
my guess is that you're doing some kinda new position or something. whatever it is you're doing....bravo, my man. bravo. just try to take it down a couple notches, yeah?? thanks.
aight champ, its getting late and i still gotta finish my lab report. goodnight.
you know that thing where no matter how you hold a dollar bill, george washington's eyes will always be looking back at you?? and it doesn't just apply to dollar bills; its also paintings like the mona lisa and celebrities on magazine covers.
my roommate leaves magazines on top of the toilet. every morning when i go to the bathroom to fire my morning wood, i have to deal with that kinda thing. just look!!
look!! he's staring at me while i take a piss. he's giving me the "sexy" eyes as i stand there with my pants down and i'm aiming my penis...
at one point in your life you're gonna be in this situation...you're sitting face-to-face, having a serious conversation...with a dude that has a really really bad lazy eye.
okay, we all know how eye contact is important to active listening...but wtf are you supposed to do when the person's eyes are going this way and that?? are you supposed to look solely at their "good" eye? should you not make eye contact? do you try to position yourself into the line of vision of their wandering eye???
seriously, what if this dude is a cop. the last thing you want to do is mock the guy...
i'm sorry but my attention span is too short for this kinda situation. yeah i know i really should be listening...but i can't help yelling to myself in my head "are you looking at me?? are you looking at me???!"
summer's been great so far. here's what's been happening...
Vegas!!
okay, not exactly the most wild summer trip to vegas...
Chris calls me:
Chris: yo Me: yo Chris: ...i got in an accident on the way to vegas...
so i drove up to vegas to help him out (along with his auntie and family friend). wasn't bad or anything cuz i was planning on going to vegas to visit my parents anyways.
so when i get there and i quickly realize something...chris' company doesn't really speak english... basically, the next couple days were those three speaking thai among themselves and me just nodding my head & smiling. is that what a foreign exchange student feels like?
anyways, it was still fun showing 'em around town.
"roar."
Thank you Mr. Burglar...
i'd like to take a moment to thank the fuckers that broke into my parents house and stole my mom's jewelry and shit. because of you cocksuckers my parents are planning on selling that pleasant little house...and move into a brand-spankin' new luxury condo!!!
the new place is still under construction but is set to be liveable by May of next year.
COM 100: Public Speaking
god i love summer school. its just so much more chill than the rest of the year. and even better, i have some really kick ass teachers this quarter.
the classes i'm taking are classes that i've been putting off for the past 5 years because -- public speaking, u.s. history 201 and bio lab. i hate all of those with a passion...but when you have kick ass teachers like i do, i almost wish i took these classes a long time ago.
check out my communications professor, peter lee. the first day of class he tells us how its hard to (quantitatively) measure confidence; but his special way was with toilet paper.
Beginning of Public Speaking Class:
Peter Lee: ok, i want you to tear of a piece of toilet paper. if you're confident i want you to take about 3-5 squares of toilet paper. if you're not as confident, take 6-7. if you're not confident at all, take more.
After everyone has toilet paper:
Peter Lee: okay, now that everyone has toilet paper, i want each of you to stand up and tell me about yourselves. the more toilet paper you have, the longer you talk. go!!
one of my buddies warned me he was gonna do this a couple weeks ahead of time, so i cheated and only pulled 3 squares. so what did i say about myself?
My introduction:
Mel: hey everyone, my name is mel. i'm an e-business major and i'm starting my 6th year here. Mel: i was raised in saudi arabia and....ummm... Mel: (say something, damnit, just say something!!!) Mel: i'm not wearing any underwear. Mel:
the professor was laughing hard, which was good because it just shows how laid-back he is compared to those old school, strict professors that i just hate (and fail miserably).
i think the best introduction was the asian dude that went last.
Asian Dude: hey my name is Asian Dude: i'm from Asian Dude: ...that's it. Professor: nice try. you got more toilet paper than that, keep going. Asian Dude: ummmmmmmmmm Professor: just tell us one more thing about yourself Asian Dude: Professor: i don't care, man, just tell me a lie. Asian Dude: ok, i think you're cool.
this is gonna be a fun class, i just know it.
History 201: United States History
i hate feminists. they bitch about wanting to be treated equally as men yet you never see them say anything when they get free shit for showing a little cleavage. if men have to pay to get into clubs, shouldn't women too? especially since they should be "treated equally as men" or whatever.
but there are a couple feminists that i actually really like -- isabelle from berkley and dr. lamphier, my history professor this quarter.
dr. lamphier is like a feminist version of conan or something. she just has this uncanny ability to make history fun to learn...and then she has those random tangents to keep us entertained. like the first day of class, she was explaining how the two different aspects of history is like the two different aspects of love -- the dating phase and the commitment phase.
basically, in the dating phase you hear all the things that you want to hear; all the pleasant things. in the commitment phase you get the whole truth. although the whole truth might not be as pleasant as we'd like it to be (like in the dating phase), its still important to ultimately know the whole truth.
after elaborating on that, she went off on a tangent for a bit...
Dr. Lamphier: i remember the exact moment i realized that i was in the commitment phase. Dr. Lamphier: my husband (boyfriend at the time) and i pulled over to an arco to fill up on gas. Dr. Lamphier: as he got out of the car, he rips this HUUUUUUGE fart. Dr. Lamphier: of course i'm completely disgusted but he closes the door behind him and just starts laughing. Dr. Lamphier: it was that exact moment that i realized the romantic days were over....but i still loved him.
i know i'm just gonna love this class.
My New Pet
chin says i should name it "melvin" because he eats everything. i'm not so sure about that though because my venus fly trap is bolemic or something...the picky little fucker spits up the flies i feed him.
Randoms
driving around and exploring the OC is fun.
the owner of my favorite hawaiian restaurant knows me now.
goal for summer: master the belly flop.
had my first visit to Marie Calendars
must figure out how to prevent chaffed nipples when i boogie board.
april says i should just rub vaseline on my nipples.
ahh, a great way to end the school year. here's what i've been up to:
Memorial Day
great day for the beach. the weather was getting all wierd a couple days beforehand and i was all hesitant on if i should schedule a beach day. "cloudy in the morning, clearing in the afternoon, high of 69 degrees." didn't sound all that appealing but chris said "fuck it, lets go anyways." damn good thing he did because it ended up being a perfect day at the beach.
the place was PACKED and parking was a biaatch (about 40 minutes ). what originally was gonna be just me and chris ended up being a crowd of 12. good times, good times.
Basketball Championships
Team Monstars finished the season with a convincing 20-2 record. that makes 3 championship seasons and 4 finals appearances in 5 years for me.
the beginning of the season was a bitch because we had like 13 guys on our team. our captain was a ballhog, this other guy would just chuck up bad threes all day and it was a dogfight trying to get playing time. some people stopped showing up, our chemistry got a lot better and towards the end of the season our team defense and offense was un-fucking-beatable.
The Class that Changed My Career
very few times in your school career you end up taking a class with a professor that teaches you so much more than stuff in the classroom. this quarter i had such a professor.
beginning of the quarter the first thing he said to us was this:
Professor Uyboco: there are two ways of motivating people. the first way is by fear. the second way is by desire. most teachers try to motivate their students to do work by focusing on grades. that's motivation by fear. i don't want to do that. instead, i will tell you stories that will hopefully instill desire in you to learn. i don't want you to take notes. all i want is for you to lend me your ears and listen.
such an awesome professor. i learned so much from him this quarter. he inspired me enough to change my career track to enterprise resource planning, which is what he specializes in.
anyways, there was no final for the class; just weekly quizzes and two projects. the last project was a huge one. my group members and i had to develop a business proposal on how to maximize effeciency for a company using the internet and enterprise systems (ever hear of PeopleSoft??). instead of having a final, we had to present our proposal to the class as if we were consultants pitching a huge multi-million dollar project. we had to wear suits and everything.
the cool thing about this class is i've been doing a lot of this stuff already. the577.com and justbball.com...both of my sites have given me experience that i was able to apply to the project. this stuff just comes natural to me and professor uyboco refined my skillz.
after our presentation (and several other presentations that he completely ripped on), he had some words for us:
Professor Uyboco: i have just one thing to say to you guys: if i were you, i would print a copy of this for myself and use it the next time i go into a job interview. excellent work, guys. this was extremely well done.
oh man, that felt good to hear...getting big props like that for something that i want to do as my career.
Random Stuff
"notch" is a new word for "hot." for example: jessica alba wore a see-through dress to the mtv music awards. her boobs are a fucking notch.
"proper" is a new word for "cool" or "tight." for example: i'm gonna get a 30inch lcd monitor / tv. that shit is proper.
guys popping their collars = (unless your name is samir).
finally watched the filipino-american movie, The Debut. it wasn't all that great but for some reason i liked it.
in the special features section of The Debut DVD, they had an audience review section which had a half-second clip of my classmate, Khaled, from webb.
just when i thought i've had enough of friendster and facebook...i went ahead and turned into a myspace whore too.
karma's a bitch. just ask shaq.
Songs of the Moment
23 - Jimmy Eat World
Never No Never - Drop N Harmony
My Friend - Drop N Harmony
When You Love Someone ft. Premiere - Drop N Harmony
All Because of You ft. Young Rome - Marques Houston
Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.
// i'm tired as hell so i'll just make this quick...
Last Week
aced my accounting final. no more class on mondays, wednesdays or fridays. just a couple more weeks of projects and then...summer school.
Got Sick / An Epiphany
remember my new years resolution for 2005? to stop eating off the floor? well, in the past i used to get sick every month. if i didn't one month, i'd get sick twice the next month. no joke, ask alan & james...i'd always be sick when they did their monthly visits. anyways, ever since my new years resolution, 5 months and 19 days later...i got sick for the first time this year. something to tell your kids...
Kainoa's 2nd Birthday / My First Trip to Disneyland
got there @ 11:30am, stayed there til closing, a little bit past 10pm.
had my first funnel cake evar. oh, the heaven of mountain whipped cream...oh, the hell of lactose intolerance...
first ride we did was buzz lightyear. i kinda sucked the first time around.
my cousins shop too damn much. spent A LOT of time at the gift store.
tower of terror was pretty tight. note to self: when on one of these free-falling type rides, grab your handle bars for safety...not the penises of the guys next to you...
soarin' california was a ride. actually got my weakass all motion-sick.
strips, dips & chips are
i think i have a new fetish...the disneyland block party girls. (my camera was too slow and too weaksauce to keep up with all the hot performers. i only managed to get this one)
i can just see it now...
Mel's New Fantasy:
Mel: come on, baby. you know how i like it. Mel: put on that disney costume and to the locomotion again. Mel:
star (wars) tour is hella old. the little orientation/safety video has a chinese dude with a turqoise polo shirt, brown aviater sunglasses, a blue trucker hat and dinky green umbro shorts. the ride was aight. its just funny seeing how "futuristic" looked in the eyes of people in the 70s.
indiana jones was a fun ride. the only gay part was this freakin' eager beaver indian chick that kept cutting in front of people in line. seriously, this chick cut in front of 10 people, including us. its all good though, karma bit her in the ass when the lines split up...she ended up in the slow-as-hell line while we ended up in the fast lane.
note to self: when going down that final drop of the log ride on splash mountain, lifting up your shirt to expose your manbreasts to the in-action-camera while the person behind you squeezes your nipples is considered as a "safety violation." they will delete the photo and refuse to sell it to you after the ride.
note to self: the heaviest person should NEVER sit at the front of the log ride.
this holiday is a two-day thing: day one is feasting on mexican food; day two is massive taco shits.
Tough Crowd
i had group presentations for accounting. of all the presentations i've ever done, i could not get a laugh out of the crowd. its all good though, i got an A anyways.
I'm a Winner
i got another sweepstakes from my car dealership. last time i won a trip for two to anywhere, three days, two nights. this time...this time i won...a trip for two to anywhere, three days, two nights.
Beach Weekend
it was chill. friday with chin, rose and her bf. saturday with chris and karen. oh yeah, and how could i ever forget:
i was lying on the beach relaxing with my pecker when out of no where...
SPLAT on my leg.
damnit chin, stop throwing mud balls at me, i'm trying to relax. you hear me?? ...chin??"
i take the shirt off my face and look around...chin is no where to be seen.
"who the fuck threw mud at me?" i thought to myself. i'm still wondering what the fuck just happened and what this gooey stuff is on my leg....i turn to my right and i see a seagull lookin' back at me. it finally hit me.
THAT FUCKING SEAGULL SHAT ON ME. YUCK!!! and it wasn't just a little bit, it was HUUGE. the bird seriously had something against me because this was bird shit with a vengeance.
Just When You Think You've Had Enough
i get pood on again by a bird on the way to lunch.
Free Frosties!!!
i got 13. it felt so cool just pulling up to the drive thru and saying "gimme 5 free frosties, bitch!!" haha.
Songs of the Moment
Eric Prydz - Fading like a Flower
Jimmy Eat World - The World You Love (Preview in iTunes) »
ok so this past week I've been on call for jury duty in Compton. I've been called to jury duty twice before and both times I was never actually called in for service. for the past few days I was having the same luck...but then last night (thursday) I called in and hear the words that you never want to hear:
Pre-Recorded Message:
Thank you for calling 1-800-SRV-JURY. You have reached the beautiful Los Angeles Superior Court House in Compton...please report to the court house on friday...april...twenty-ninth at _seven...forty...five...AM...
fuck!!!!
i started freaking out. so naturally, I started IMing some people. it wasn't until joyce's blunt "yeah, and..." (in the "so what's the big deal" kinda way) that I realized maybe i'm just overreacting; Compton can't be that ghetto.
friday morning rolls around, just about 5 hours after I get back home from cal poly. (this is literaly the earliest I've woken up since november. hell, just the other night I went to bed @ 5:30 in the morning.) so yeah, i'm grumpy as balls but I manage to get out of bed and into the shower.
around 6:30ish, i'm standing in front of my closet completely naked (haha, just had to mention that) and i'm debating wtf I should wear. "i'm going to the ghetto...but i'm also going to a court house..." I stood there naked for 10 minutes, debating on what would meet a ghetto court house dress code. I ended up wearing some old jeans and my faded black microsoft polo shirt with a couple holes in it. I figuered "hey, maybe they'll think I just got this lame ass shirt from a thirft store or something."
10 minutes later, I get in my car and start up the engine. low and behold, of all songs to first hear on the radio...its 2pac's California Love. no fucking joke.
2pac - California Love:
California...knows how to party
California...knows how to party
In the citaaay of L.A.
In the citaaay of good ol' Watts
In the citaaay, the city of Compton
We keep it rockin! We keep it rockin!
fast forward about half an hour. i'm following people from the ghetto parking lot to the ghetto court house. "man, this is my first time," some random mexican dude says to me. "yeah, same here." I look around and finally realize that all these people are in the same boat as I am...we all hate jury duty, we all hate getting up this early and most of us aren't from Compton. "hey, maybe this isn't gonna be that bad afterall..."
after going thru the metal detectors and getting frisked by security (hehe) I found myself in the lounge with about 250 others, watching some completely lame orientation video...
Random Guy's Video Testimonial:
At first I hated the idea of coming in for jury service. But after the whole experience, I really felt good about myself. I can't wait to do it again!!
WTF that's such bullshit!!!!!
anyways, after the video we had about an hour to spank off. normally i'd be browing the internet or something on my cell phone but noooooo, cell phones with cameras are forbidden. LAAAME. instead I amused myself with my iPod Shuffle, until...
Intercom:*bing* Alfred Gonzales, please report to the front desk. You forgot to write down your occupation. Intercom:*bing* Anna Paris, please report to the front desk. You forgot to write down your policy number. Intercom:*bing* Daniel Thomas, please report to the front desk. You forgot to write down your emergency contact.
what dumbasses!! retards don't know how to fill out a damn form!! *shakes head*
Clerk:*bing* Melvin Tajon, please report to the front desk immediately.
what the fuck...
Clerk: today's your lucky day!! you're the first one on the jury list!! here, I need you to deliver these papers to the judge right now. 10th floor, court room E. you'll go up first and then the rest of the 100 juror candidates will be up in a bit. Mel: does this mean i'm on the pane-- Clerk:interrupts run along now have fun byeeee!!
okaaaaaaaay...
so after about 20 minutes of waiting, we eventually got into the court room were greeted by a welcome speech from the judge. after about 5 minutes of pleasantries, he finally gets to the point:
Judge:
this is a criminal case. it is the people vs. , , , and _____.
this case involves burglary, assault with a deadly weapon, attempted murder and terrorist threats. we have one attorney for each of the five defendants...this trial is expected to go til may 27th.
OMFG one full month?!?! one whole month of commuting from cal poly to Compton??!? one damn month of juggling the last few weeks of spring quarter and full 9-to-5's in court???
i'm still in shock but the drama continues...
Courtroom Secretary:
when I call your name, please take a seat on the juror panel...
tajon, melvin, please take a seat. you are juror #1.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!
anyways, the next few hours were a bitch. the judge and each of the 6 attorneys got to interview the 18 juror candidates as a group. they'd ask all these moral questions over and over and over. the judge is actually a funny guy; he'd make fun of all the jurors...including my ass. DOH. he totally ripped apart the old fobby asian dude:
Juror #9: I no speaka english good. I have hard time understand completely. Judge: you don't understand english? Juror #9:nods Judge: how long have you been here in the states? Juror #9: 20 something Judge: how long? Juror #9: 27 years Judge: what is your occupation? Juror #9: umm car...machine-ist Judge: mechanic? Juror #9: yes. Judge: how many kids do you have? Juror #9: two. Judge: do you have to speak english at work? Juror #9: only at meetings. Judge: well, I don't see the problem because you understood our whole conversation just now. Juror #9: Doh!
so yeah, it was obvious that jurors were trying to talk their way out of the jury panel. some people told me that I should just say "i'm prejudice against black people" or whatever. sorry, that wasn't gonna happen. i'd like to see you say that in front of a hundred people and then get interrogated by the judge (who btw was black) and also a team of attorneys (three of which were black). I eventually got the spotlight and got to plea my situation...
Mel: i'm a fulltime student at cal poly pomona AND mt. san antonio college and-- Judge:interrupts I already told you, we don't excuse you just for being a fulltime student. we've all been there before, we know what its like. these guys went to law school and also served jury duty, we've all been there. you're not gonna fail. Mel: well, that's the thing...i flunked out of cal poly last fall, so I started going to mt. sac. and then I just got back into cal poly this spring and if I screw up one more time, its over. I have finals at mt. sac coming up and I can't afford missing a month of class at cal poly with finals in the first week of june... Judge: so you're gonna flunk out twice?? *LOL* Mel: (cries inside) Judge: *sarcastically* don't worry, we'll take care of you. *wink*
"we'll take care of you???!"Â that sarcastic fuck, wtf is that supposed to mean???!
so anyways, another hour passes by and the day was coming to a close. it was time for the attorneys to vote off the people they don't want to be on the jury panel.
Defense Attorneys: The defense would like to excuse...Juror #9 [the old fobby asian dude] Judge: Juror #9, you may leave. Juror #13 [also an old fobby asian dude], take his seat.
Juror #9 proceeds to the door and Juror #13 quietly follows him...
Judge: where the hell do you think you're going?? tryin' to sneak out the door, eh? LOL nice try buddy, take your seat. Judge: you [attorneys] may now continue...
5 juror vote offs later...
District Attorney: the people would like to excuse... District Attorney: Juror #1 Mel: me?? Judge: yes, you're excused. now get those damn grades up!!
ZOMFG, they excused me!!?!! HELL YEAH.
i had the hardest time acting non-chalant about it. its like winning in an award show; on the outside you're happy and modest but in the inside you're like "fuck yeah, bitch!!! who's your daddy, mr. second place?? who's your daddy!!! I am!!! that's right!!! sit your asses down, bitches!!!"
so yeah, I somehow managed to get out of a month long criminal trial in Compton. I swear, god has a wierd sense of humor. I can just see him up there, "hmmm, i'm bored...i think i'll fuck around with mel...i wanna watch him squirm for a day"
