ok so this past week I've been on call for jury duty in Compton. I've been called to jury duty twice before and both times I was never actually called in for service. for the past few days I was having the same luck...but then last night (thursday) I called in and hear the words that you never want to hear:

Pre-Recorded Message:

Thank you for calling 1-800-SRV-JURY. You have reached the beautiful Los Angeles Superior Court House in Compton...please report to the court house on friday...april...twenty-ninth at _seven...forty...five...AM...

fuck!!!!

i started freaking out. so naturally, I started IMing some people. it wasn't until joyce's blunt "yeah, and..." (in the "so what's the big deal" kinda way) that I realized maybe i'm just overreacting; Compton can't be that ghetto.

friday morning rolls around, just about 5 hours after I get back home from cal poly. (this is literaly the earliest I've woken up since november. hell, just the other night I went to bed @ 5:30 in the morning.) so yeah, i'm grumpy as balls but I manage to get out of bed and into the shower.

around 6:30ish, i'm standing in front of my closet completely naked (haha, just had to mention that) and i'm debating wtf I should wear. "i'm going to the ghetto...but i'm also going to a court house..." I stood there naked for 10 minutes, debating on what would meet a ghetto court house dress code. I ended up wearing some old jeans and my faded black microsoft polo shirt with a couple holes in it. I figuered "hey, maybe they'll think I just got this lame ass shirt from a thirft store or something."

10 minutes later, I get in my car and start up the engine. low and behold, of all songs to first hear on the radio...its 2pac's California Love. no fucking joke.

2pac - California Love:

California...knows how to party

California...knows how to party

In the citaaay of L.A.

In the citaaay of good ol' Watts

In the citaaay, the city of Compton

We keep it rockin! We keep it rockin!

fast forward about half an hour. i'm following people from the ghetto parking lot to the ghetto court house. "man, this is my first time," some random mexican dude says to me. "yeah, same here." I look around and finally realize that all these people are in the same boat as I am...we all hate jury duty, we all hate getting up this early and most of us aren't from Compton. "hey, maybe this isn't gonna be that bad afterall..."

after going thru the metal detectors and getting frisked by security (hehe) I found myself in the lounge with about 250 others, watching some completely lame orientation video...

Random Guy's Video Testimonial:

At first I hated the idea of coming in for jury service. But after the whole experience, I really felt good about myself. I can't wait to do it again!!

WTF that's such bullshit!!!!!

anyways, after the video we had about an hour to spank off. normally i'd be browing the internet or something on my cell phone but noooooo, cell phones with cameras are forbidden. LAAAME. instead I amused myself with my iPod Shuffle, until...

Intercom: *bing* Alfred Gonzales, please report to the front desk. You forgot to write down your occupation.
Intercom: *bing* Anna Paris, please report to the front desk. You forgot to write down your policy number.
Intercom: *bing* Daniel Thomas, please report to the front desk. You forgot to write down your emergency contact.

what dumbasses!! retards don't know how to fill out a damn form!! *shakes head*

Clerk: *bing* Melvin Tajon, please report to the front desk immediately.

what the fuck...

Clerk: today's your lucky day!! you're the first one on the jury list!! here, I need you to deliver these papers to the judge right now. 10th floor, court room E. you'll go up first and then the rest of the 100 juror candidates will be up in a bit.
Mel: does this mean i'm on the pane--
Clerk: interrupts run along now have fun byeeee!!

okaaaaaaaay...

so after about 20 minutes of waiting, we eventually got into the court room were greeted by a welcome speech from the judge. after about 5 minutes of pleasantries, he finally gets to the point:

Judge:

this is a criminal case. it is the people vs. , , , and _____.

this case involves burglary, assault with a deadly weapon, attempted murder and terrorist threats. we have one attorney for each of the five defendants...this trial is expected to go til may 27th.

OMFG one full month?!?! one whole month of commuting from cal poly to Compton??!? one damn month of juggling the last few weeks of spring quarter and full 9-to-5's in court???

i'm still in shock but the drama continues...

Courtroom Secretary:

when I call your name, please take a seat on the juror panel...
tajon, melvin, please take a seat. you are juror #1.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!

anyways, the next few hours were a bitch. the judge and each of the 6 attorneys got to interview the 18 juror candidates as a group. they'd ask all these moral questions over and over and over. the judge is actually a funny guy; he'd make fun of all the jurors...including my ass. DOH. he totally ripped apart the old fobby asian dude:

Juror #9: I no speaka english good. I have hard time understand completely.
Judge: you don't understand english?
Juror #9: nods
Judge: how long have you been here in the states?
Juror #9: 20 something
Judge: how long?
Juror #9: 27 years
Judge: what is your occupation?
Juror #9: umm car...machine-ist
Judge: mechanic?
Juror #9: yes.
Judge: how many kids do you have?
Juror #9: two.
Judge: do you have to speak english at work?
Juror #9: only at meetings.
Judge: well, I don't see the problem because you understood our whole conversation just now.
Juror #9: Doh!

so yeah, it was obvious that jurors were trying to talk their way out of the jury panel. some people told me that I should just say "i'm prejudice against black people" or whatever. sorry, that wasn't gonna happen. i'd like to see you say that in front of a hundred people and then get interrogated by the judge (who btw was black) and also a team of attorneys (three of which were black). I eventually got the spotlight and got to plea my situation...

Mel: i'm a fulltime student at cal poly pomona AND mt. san antonio college and--
Judge: interrupts I already told you, we don't excuse you just for being a fulltime student. we've all been there before, we know what its like. these guys went to law school and also served jury duty, we've all been there. you're not gonna fail.
Mel: well, that's the thing...i flunked out of cal poly last fall, so I started going to mt. sac. and then I just got back into cal poly this spring and if I screw up one more time, its over. I have finals at mt. sac coming up and I can't afford missing a month of class at cal poly with finals in the first week of june...
Judge: so you're gonna flunk out twice?? *LOL*
Mel: (cries inside)
Judge: *sarcastically* don't worry, we'll take care of you. *wink*

"we'll take care of you???!"  that sarcastic fuck, wtf is that supposed to mean???!

so anyways, another hour passes by and the day was coming to a close. it was time for the attorneys to vote off the people they don't want to be on the jury panel.

Defense Attorneys: The defense would like to excuse...Juror #9 [the old fobby asian dude]
Judge: Juror #9, you may leave. Juror #13 [also an old fobby asian dude], take his seat.

Juror #9 proceeds to the door and Juror #13 quietly follows him...

Judge: where the hell do you think you're going?? tryin' to sneak out the door, eh? LOL nice try buddy, take your seat.
Judge: you [attorneys] may now continue...

5 juror vote offs later...

District Attorney: the people would like to excuse...
District Attorney: Juror #1
Mel: me??
Judge: yes, you're excused. now get those damn grades up!!

ZOMFG, they excused me!!?!! HELL YEAH.

i had the hardest time acting non-chalant about it. its like winning in an award show; on the outside you're happy and modest but in the inside you're like "fuck yeah, bitch!!! who's your daddy, mr. second place?? who's your daddy!!! I am!!! that's right!!! sit your asses down, bitches!!!"

so yeah, I somehow managed to get out of a month long criminal trial in Compton. I swear, god has a wierd sense of humor. I can just see him up there, "hmmm, i'm bored...i think i'll fuck around with mel...i wanna watch him squirm for a day"