so i went to the dmv today...my 21st birthday is comin' up and my nevada license is expiring. i just moved into my house so i figured i might as well get a california license.

after getting 100% on my written test...guess what i was rewarded with...3 extra lbs. that's right, the bitch added 3 extra lbs to my weight info on my drivers license. damnit, now i am legally fatter.

Eat when you're happy and you want to celebrate. Eat when you're sad and you want something good out of your day. Be an emotional eater, and soon you'll be a heavyweight champion!!

Because you'll be eating so fast, you rarely will have enough time to appreciate the taste of your food. This is where condiments come in. Add lots of it. Tons of it. You'll find your food to have more flavor, not to mention it will add those extra calories to every meal.

I highly recommend eating a lot before going to bed. Or even better, eat to the point that you get sleepy. This way your body will be able to absorb all calories with maximum efficiency.

It typically takes 8 minutes for food to get from your mouth to your stomach. With this in mind, eat as much as you can, as fast as can, before the 8 minutes is up.

If you're gonna eat at an all-you-can-eat buffet, make sure you get your money's worth. Go all out. Clean house. Show the restaurant that you mean business.

I even recommend skipping breakfast and lunch, and just absolutely clean house for dinner. This will slow down your metabolism, not to mention kill three meals in one sitting.

Eat it!! Even if your brain is telling you you're full...if it tastes that good then keep eating it!! And remember, there is always room for dessert.

When eating with other people, show them who's the champ. Show them that you are serious. Chances are, they will be so intimidated by you that they may end up giving you the rest of their food.