It's that time of the year again. 40 days and 40 nights. What am I gonna give up this year? Last year I gave up elevators. But that started to fail when I moved offices and kept getting lost in my new building.
This year, I'll be giving up desserts and other chocolatey, sugary goodnesses. Except for on my birthday, in which case a cake is required.
This is gonna be hard. Especially cuz of Valentine's day and the fact that I'm in charge of buying birthday cakes at the office.
But if I screw up this year, it won't be the first time. Besides, there's a bunch of other sins I've got to worry about. Here I present to you the Sins Survey [via Sherwin]:
1. Who did you last get angry with?
Dumb cashier at McDonald's that cheated me out of a dollar.
2. What is your weapon of choice?
Katana sword ala Kill Bill.
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
If a girl slaps me, it's cuz I fucked up. But if a girl punches me...I will angry sex her.
4. How about of the same sex?
I'd hit it.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?
Probably some guy I cut off on the freeway. I like to do that thing where I drive a little slow on the fast lane, and then when the guy behind me tries to pass me up, I speed up.
6. What is your pet peeve?
People that ruin the movie experience. "Oh, there's a big twist at the end!"
"...and what not."
7. Do you keep grudges?
Elephants never forget.
8. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?
Not eat out.
9. What is the latest you've ever woken up?
4pm. Vacations in Saudi were the best!
10. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?
Melissa. Sierra. Mike. Many, many others.
11. What is the last lame excuse you made?
"I feel like chilling tonight."
12. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?
I was sucked into watching an informercial for some diet pills that raise your metabolism. Found out it had speed in it. I remember lying on my bed, completely exhausted, but my heart was beating miles an hour.
13. When was the last time you got a good workout in?
Fuck. October? Everyone quit playing ball...
14. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?
6-7 times every morning.
15. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
I hardly drink anymore but when I do, it's Long Islands aaaaaall the waaaaay, baaaaaaaby!
16. Meat eaters:
17. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?
Beer pong: Me vs. Meagan & Isabelle. And I still kicked their asses!
18. Have you ever used a professional diet company?
19. Do you have an issue with your weight?
I have an issue with healthy food.
20. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?
Spicy and then sweet to cool it down.
21. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"?
22. Do you have feelings for anyone right now?
Nope. But she really did have a nice ass.
23. Do they feel the same?
I think she thinks my ass kicks ass.
24. When was your last bf/gf?
She deflated a long time ago.
25. Do you want a relationship?
I want a hot OC mom that'll beat me up and slap me around.
26. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?
And then her adam's apple. Soooooo hot!
27. What do you notice first?
Hair and smile. Started to notice neck and shoulders too.
28. What do you think the opposite sex first notices about you?
My rock hard throbbing member.
29. How many credit cards do you have?
30. What's your guilty pleasure in stores?
Anything shiny, new and made by Apple.
31. If you had $100 million, what would you do with it?
I'd stick my dick in it!
And then travel the world and go to all the places you see on Food Network.
32. Would you rather be rich, or famous?
Rich. Five minutes of fame would be cool too.
33. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?
Fuck no! Which is why I love my current job. I get to party with Brooke Burke, Jennie Garth, Kelly Preston and other celebrity milfs next month!
34. Have you ever stolen anything?
I steal food when people turn around. All the time. And they never know.
35. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?
36. What's one thing you have done that you're most proud of?
Getting kicked out of school, back into school and then graduating.
37. What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?
38. What thing would you like to accomplish later in your life?
To do or make something that will touch a lot of lives of random people.
39. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
When it's out of two, then yeah.
40. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?
I played basketball with elementary kids. It's fucking fun as hell. It's like being Godzilla and you're swatting down anything in the air.
41. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?
Isn't that the point?
42. What did you do today that you're proud of?
43. What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own?
Girlfriend. She's a fucking keeper.
44. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?
45. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?
Jessica Alba. So I could touch myself for hours and hours and hours.
46. Have you ever been cheated on?
Cheated on? No. Backstabbed? Yes.
47. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?
I wished I had a ghetto booty so I could do the ass shaking thang. Budunkadunk!
48. Finally, what is your favorite Deadly Sin?
Hmmm...lust or gluttony...